Miles Away
by cantholdbackmyfandoms
Summary: When Gon and Killua become penpals, Gon thinks that Killua must live a happy life, like him. But with parents like that, can it really be the case? TW: Mentions of abuse and implied sex. Minor wounds. Please make all criticism instructive and know comments are appreciated. :) Happy reading!
1. Chapter 1

Januray 1st, 2011

Dear Penpal,

Hello! My name is Gon Freecs! I'm in 5th grade! My Sensai Wing-san said that I have to write these letters to you until the next school year, so I hope we get to be great friends!

Sincerly,

Gon Freecs

January 6th, 2011

Dear Gon,

My teacher said we have to write these letters too. My name is Killua, so don't call me "penpal" in your letters. It's kind of wierd. I guess it would be nice to have a friend for a change, even if they live miles away.

Sincerly,

Killua Zoldyck

From then on, Killua's and Gon's friendship bloomed, little by little. By the end of the school year, they came to like each other so much and know each other so well that they decided to continue writing letters to one another, despite the fact they were no longer required to. Soon, waiting for letters from the other became tedious and they began to communicate vie E-mail and, eventually, cellphones.

As of present, Gon sat down on his bed, whipping out his cellphone. Californian moonlight drifting in through the window. Gon hardly noticed as the light from the screen lit up his face.

_**Hey Killua! What's up?**_

_**You should be asleep. And so should I. It's 6 AM here, Gon.**_

_**Oh. Right. Sorry, Killua. I kind of forgot about time zones for a moment.**_

_**It's 2 AM where you are!**_

_**So?**_

_**Goodnight, Gon. I will text you in when it's morning. Well a reasonable time in the morning for you, anyway.**_

_**Killua?**_

_**...**_

_**Killua?**_

Killua awoke with a yawn, several hours later. Rolling over onto his side, he checked the time on his phone. 9 AM. Well, that was better then 6. STill it was far too early to text Gon just yet. He'd have to wait a few hours.

Killua stretched as he sat up swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. His feet came into contact with the carpeted floor. Certain areas of it were worn from him pacing in the late hours of the night, thinking up schemes to get out of the hell hole he called home. Most of them ended up with Gon in there somewhere. Killua proceeded to get dressed, not taking off his shirt until absoulutely necassary. When he did, it was not pretty. Bruises and scars adorned his upper body, turning his pale skin varrious shades of purple and red.

"Damn. They still haven't faded." He really hoped they would fade come Monday. OTherwise, he would have to change in the bathroom instead of the lockeroom. He pulled on a t-shirt large enough to cover his wounds and walked out into the hallway.

He was no more than five steps on his way to the kitchen when the words "Hey, faggot," reached his ears.


	2. Chapter 2

"Shut the hell up." Killua spat back at Milluki, continuing on his way to the kitchen. He had to take this sort of thing from his father, but he refused to take it from his siblings as well. Killua pulled a poptart from the box, opening it as he left the house. He was stopped when Milluka's voice followed him.

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"Out where?"

"OUT!"

_Thwack._ A red mark spread across Killua's face as Milluka's hand came into contacts with the former's face. "Jesus Christ. Is hitting you the only way you'll ever learn?"

Killua said nothing. He just grit his teeth and bore with the insults and hits hat were sure to come. It was the only thing he could do.

_**Sent at 7:07 AM: Hi Killua! You'll never guess who I met today!**_

_**Sent at 7:32 AM: Killua?**_

_**Received at 8:18 AM: Oh, sorry Gon. I was busy. So, who DID you meet today?**_

_**Sent at 8:20 AM: It's okay. The person I met was his REALLY cute girl. Her name is Cocco.**_

Attached to the text message was a picture of a girl that was indeed, very pretty. Her curled red hair was pulled back into a ponytail, making it easier to see her brown eyes.

_**Received at 8:23 AM: Yeah, I guess she is kinda cute. You get her number?**_

_**Sent at 8:25 AM: Yup! And we're going on a date!**_

Across the country, Killua was wondering what this ache in his chest was that had nothing to do with the new bruises forming all over his body, no longer restrained to just his chest and abdomen. Before he had a chance to reply to Gon's text, another one came.

_**Received at 12:28 PM: I wish we could meet in real life, Killua...**_

_**Sent at 12:29 PM: Yeah, me too.**_

Of course, this was impossible. There was no way he would _ever_ let Gon come to him, and his own parents would never let him go cross-country without someone their to keep a constant watch on him. Or would they? They didn't care about him. They thought he was disgusting for being gay. So maybe they would let him go with a "Good riddance." Or they just might beat him for daring to ask that of them.

His phone suddenly flashed a text from an unknown number.

_**Received at 12:34 PM: Wanna come to a party next Friday?**_

_**Sent at 12:35 PM: Hell yes**_

Well, he knew what he would be doing next weekend.


	3. Chapter 3

When Friday rolled around, Gon was meeting up with Cocco after school. They held hands on the walk to Gon's house, making casual conversation about nothing in particular. It was nice, but it seemed almost dull. Unlike his conversations with Killua, this seemed forced and awkward. At least, that's how it seemed for him. Mito wasn't home from work yet, it seemed, so when Cocco and Gon went up to the latter's room, their was no one to interrupt the conversation.

And then they were _kissing_ and Gon was not prepared for this. Yes, her lips were soft and yes, it wasn't bad but it didn't feel _right_ and where the hell were her hands going?

Gon pulled away, backing up a little. "Um, I-I'm not comfortable with that so uh..."

"Oh. I understand." Cocco seemed rather put off by this. "I guess I should leave."

"You don't to leave, I just-" Gon was cut of sharply.

"No. I should." And then she was leaving, giving Gon no more time to protest.

Hours later, Killua was climbing out his window, silently landing onto the small patch of grass. He swiftly walked through the city, until he came to a building where he could hear the music clearly _from outside._

When Killua entered the building, the party was already in full swing. People were dancing in a manner that would make a prostitute seem like the Virgin Mary in comparison. Most of the people there were absolutely _smashed_. Soon, Killua was one of them. In is druken state of mind, Killua was thinking all the wrong thoughts.

_I can't believe Gon had a date with that girl._

_Is my friendship suddenly not good enough for him?_

_Damn him._

And then his phone was in his hand and he was letting Gon know exactly what he thought about this girl.

**_Sent at 1:34 AM: How diod it go with tgat hoe?_**

**_Received at 1:37 AM: Um, what?_**

**_Sent at 1:39 AM: Red head. Name starts with a C. I think._**

**_Received at 1:42 AM: Cocco? It went well, I guess. She was a little... too experienced though._**

**_Sent at 1:44 AM: Good cuz your mine_**

**_Received at 1:47 AM: Um, what?_**

**_Sent at 1:49 AM: You need to get here soon Gon. I need you._**


	4. Chapter 4

"Mito-san?" Mito looked up from the laundry when she heard Gon calling her name. It wasn't exactly a rare occurrence. She'd been taking care of the boy since his father had_ dumped _him here when he was only two years old.

Mito turned around to face him. "What is it, Gon?" She asked in a silvery tone.  
"Well, you remember Killua, right?"  
At this Mito laughed. "Of course Gon. You only mention him every other day," She teased lightly. It was true, of course. Gon seemed nearly obsessed with the other boy.  
"Well he lives in New York and, uh..." He faltered here, and didn't continue until Mito nodded as if to say _Go on._ "And I really want to visit him," He added quickly.

It was silent for several moments, and Gon looked down at his feet, wondering if his request had been to much to ask of Mito. She did work so hard, and it wasn't fair to her for him to ask for something like this. Especially when it would be so expensive.

I know. It's probably too much of me too-" He began, but was cut off suddenly.

"Well, if you try your hardest in school until spring break, and you don't do anything that will get you in trouble too drastically, we'll see." Gon could hardly believe what he was hearing. There was actually a chance that he might get to see Killua. In real life. Not through a picture on the screen of his cellphone. The very thought made his heart pound.

_**Sent at 2:45 PM: Killua.**_

_**Received at 2:47 PM: What's up?**_

_**Sent at 2:31 PM: I might be able to come to New York during spring break, like you wanted me too.**_

_**Received at 2:33 PM: What? When did I say that?**_

_**Sent at 2:35 PM: Well yesterday we were talking about how we wished we could meet each other for real. And then that night you said "You better come soon Gon. I need you."**_

Across the country Killua was thinking long and hard about when he had said that. He checked through all his messages from the previous day, and groaned when he saw it. There, in black letters was indeed the words Gon had quoted. Looking at the time stamp, he realized he'd been at the party when he'd sent that. No wonder He didn't remember it. And now he'd have to ask his parents if Gon could come over spring break. Fuck.

Well, at least they already knew about him. He hadn't come out to his family yet in fifth grade. He hadn't even known he was gay in fifth grade. So at least he didn't have to explain to them who Gon was. And he had those texts from when Gon told him about the date with Cocco to prove Gon was straight. It would all be okay. Unless they beat him. Yeah, there was always the possibility of that. But he'd have to ask. Well, time to get asking.


	5. Chapter 5

"Uh, father?" Killuas voice trembled as he spoke. He wasn't sure of the outcome of this, but he hoped it would be a good one. Or it at least wouldn't end with another beating.

Silva barely looked up from his dinner when he replied. Even if they thought he was scume, they didn't ignore him completely. "What?" Harsh. THat was the only way to describe his tone. It was how he always spoke to Killua.

"Well, you remember Gon, right?" He asked, only continuing when he received a nod. "He, um, he get permission to come to visit me during Spring break if it's okay with you so..."  
Milluki suddenly spoke up. "Why, is he a fag too?"

_Damn him_. "No. He's- He's straight. He went out with a girl just yesterday. Texted me about it." Killua barely contained the jealousy and hurt that he felt. It was silent for a long time. Evidently, his father was thinking the matter over. That was a good sign.

"Yes. I suppose he can stay for Spring break." SIlva's eyes narrowed. "Maybe he'll knock some sense into you." Killua didn't care that his father was allowing it only because he thought Gon would somehow magically turn him straight. It didn't matter because _he was going to see Gon._

**_Sent at 7:42 PM: My parents gave the ok._**

**_Received at 7:43 PM: Really? Great!_**

**_Sent 7:45 PM: Yup. See you during spring break._**

Gon and Killua worked hard. Gon, to do better in school and to stay out of trouble. Killua, to not do anything to infuriate his family. Which was, honestly, much easier to do with his sisters. Somehow, the two boys managed to text even more, and it always somehow went back to the fact that Gon was coming to visit.

Soon, but no where near soon enough for either of them, it was Spring break. Mito, with a bit of the usual overdrawn "_Be safe. I love you. Put on fresh underwear everyday.", _she packed Gon onto the plane and he was off. Gon was practically bouncing in his seat the entire time, telling anyone around him who would listen about Killua. Most people were pretty nice about it. However, there were a couple of people who told him rather rudely to shut up, only to hear the story anyways as he told it to their neighbor.

Killua was going to pick him up from the airport, and the second he saw him, (he'd recognize the other boy from the few selfies he'd convinced the other to send) he was going to hug him until people started staring. Or after people started staring.

When Gon got off the plane more than five hours later, the sudden cold of New York state hit him like a brick. _They call this spring? _His carry-on slung over his shoulder, he entered the building. He looked around the crowd, thanking the Lord he was tall. How else would he see Killua in this rush of people? He soon spotted the fluffy-looking white hair that belonged to his best friend, and began weaving in and out of the maze of people until he reached Killua, who had his back to him.

"Killua!" He shouted, and pulled the boy in question into a hug, giving no other warning. That would have been all fine ad dandy, until he felt Killua flinch beneath his arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Killua yanked himself out of the hug, whipping around. His eyes looked fearful, almost, but softened when he saw the boy before him. "Gon!" He shouted, hgging the other boy. While Gon was still confused as to why the other boy flinched, he gladly accepted the hug. When it was over, Gon smiled widely.

"You're shorter than I hought you'd be," The Californian teased, enjoying watching how KIllua's pal face flushed red at the remark. His cheekiness, however, earned his a punch in the shoulder.

"Haha, very funny." Killua's voice dripped with sarcasm. He was however, a few inches shorter than Gon. His clothes seemed much to big for his body giving him a rather scrawny look. The bruise which Gon had unintentionally hit still throbbed. He couldn't blame him though. The thing was hidden beneath his sweatshirt, so there was no way he could have known.

When they left the airport, Gon shivered. Voicing his earlier thoughts, Gon asked, "You guys call this spring? It's so cold."

Killua raised an eyebrow. "You kidding? There is no way you consider this cold." Gon just nodded. "Get used to it. You're not in Kansas anymore, Toto."

Over the course of the net several hours, Gon noticed many... unusual behaviors. Killua flinching when Gon raised his hand or a high five. More flinches whenever they saw one of Killua's brothers or parents. Milluki often almost called Killua something that started with an F. That night, as they were hanging out in Killua's bedroom, did Gon dare to ask.

"Why do you flinch so often?" The question came as a surprise to Killua, who was searching through his dresser in search of a long-sleeved shirt to wear to bed. When he heard the question, however, he froze.

"What?" Killua had really hoped that Gon wouldn't notice. Or that if he did notice, he wouldn't say a thing. How was he supposed to tell his best friend that his family beat him up because he was gay? MOre importantly, how would Gon react to this information. But Gon was looking at him with those deep brown eyes of his. And that gaze made him melt.

Killua straightened and walked towards the bed where Gon sat. Sitting down, he nervously spoke. "I have to ask you something first before I answer your question."  
When Gon nodded, Killua sighed. "H-how do you feel about.." His voice shrunk before he could finish that sentence, turning into what he was sure sounded horribly pathetic to Gon. Killua cleared his throat, trying again. "H-how do you feel about homosexuality?"

It was silent for what seemed like forever. Gon broke the silence, "Well, it's a sin." _Shit._ "But the Lord forgives, all sins, so I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not bad to be gay." Gon shrugged when he finished the sentence and all Killua could think was that he had gotten lucky when he got assigned that project in fifth grade.  
"Gon, can I try something?" Gon looked mildly confused, but nodded.

Gon was even more confused when he felt Killua's hand on the back of his head. But that confusion was amplified tenfold when Killua's lips pressed against his own. This was nothing like the kiss with Cocco. Killua was gentle and slow and seemed mildly intimidated. Gon couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. This moment with Killua was just so perfect. He hardly dared move for fear of disrupting it. But the moment, like all perfect things, had to end. When Killua pulled away from him, his face flushed red and looking like he expected to be rejected, Gon felt a sudden urge to kiss Killua again and again and again.  
"I-i'm sorry. I shouldn't of done that." Killua got up and made to leave the room, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you did it."


	7. Chapter 7

"R-really?" Killua's heart pounded in his chest, and he refused to believe that Gon couldn't hear it as well.

Gon nodded, gently pulling Killua closer to him. "But," _But?_ "You still haven't answered my question."

_Crap_. Killua had nearly forgotten about that. "I'd figured you'd know after I just kissed you." When Gon raised an eyebrow, Killua sighed. Maneuvering himself out of Gon's grip, he stood back and took off his sweatshirt.

Gon gasped. Although he could only see Killua's arms, the brusies covering them was enough for Gon to get the gist of it.

Gon's hands clenched into fists, his lips pressing tight together. "They **_HIT_** you?" "They" obviously being Killua's family. At Gon's shout, Killua reflexively flinched, bringing his arms up to cover his face.

Remembering himself, he relaxed. "Mostly my dad and my brothers." He said, his voice small and wobbly.

"Oh I'm gonna-"

"Don't please. They'd kick you out and probably blame me for the whole thing." He was still looking away from Gon, ashamed. Despite his angered words, Killua felt the other boy wanted nothing to do with him now. Who would want to be friends- or maybe more- with someone who was carrying around emotional baggage like this?

When he looked back at Gon, the boy no longer looked angry but rather, immensely disappointed with... himself? "Sorry I scared you."

" 'S not your fault. Reflexes." Killua's voice was barely above a whisper.

Gon reached out towards Killua's left arm. "Can I?" WHen Killua nodded, Gon ever so gently grabbed it, and began examining the bruises. Some of them were fresh, like they'd only been there since this morning. Others looked like they'd been there for months, and had been hit again to make sure that they wouldn't fade. "Why?" Gon thought aloud.

"Because I'm gay." Killua replied, blinking away tears.

"But there's nothing wrong with that!" Gon argued. His free hand making an exasperated motion.

Killua shrugged. "They seem to think so."

They sat in silence for a long time. Every so often Gon would place a kiss to one of the many bruises on Killua's arm. The silence only broke wen Killua asked a question he'd been thinking since he and Gon first kissed.

"What does this make us? I mean, I kissed you, and you said you liked it but-"

He didn't even get to finish his sentence. "Boyfriends. The only reason I didn't kiss back was because I was so shocked. Unless you don't want to be my boyfriend. It would be secret, of course." Gon said this all very fast, and Killua just blinked at him. Then, a large grin broke out across the Yankees' face.

"Of course I want to be your boyfriend. But you're right. We would have to keep it a secret." Killua frowned as he spoke the last sentence, and his chest heaved with yet another sigh.

"So can I kiss you again?"

Killua nodded, but added cheekily, "But only if you promise to actually do something instead of just sitting there."  
Gon rolled his eyes to the ceiling before kissing the other boy. Gon had thought the first kiss was amazing, but it didn't compare to this one. It was long and sweet. It made Gon practically _swoon_ in Killua's arms. Which wasn't really fair. In his opinion, _he_ was supposed to be the one making _Killua_ swoon, not the other way around. When the kiss was over, it was too soon. Gon had a feeling it would always be too soon. But it was sort of worth it, because since now they were apart Gon got to watch that adorable flush spread across Killua's face.

Their foreheads rested together, and Gon whispered, "I'm sorry you have such bigoted parents. You desrve better."

"It's not your fault." Killua whispered back, gently squeezing Gon's hand.

"I know. But I still feel terrible."

For a moment, it didn't matter that they Killua's family wouldn't approve of this. It didn't matter that if they were to walk down the street holding hands they would get more than one vulgar insult. For a moment it was just Gon and Killua and the fact that they had two whole weeks to spend with each other. And they would make the most of it.


	8. Chapter 8

Over the next two weeks, there were many stolen kisses and romantic moments when no one was looking. Kisses in the dark and words of love in alleyways during the afternoons. On several occasions, in the privacy of Killua's bedroom, Gon convinced Killua to take off his shirt so he could see how the wounds on his chest and abdomen were doing.

"I don't understand how you can like me when I have these scars and bruises all over me." Killua said on one such occasion.

Shocked, Gon sat up straight. "Don't be ridiculous! Those," He gestured vaguely to Killua's injuries, "Don't matter! I fell in love with you! Not your body. And that brings up the question, why did you never leave?"

Killua turned away. "You won't understand."

"And I never will understand if you don't tell me! I want to know so I can help you."

Killua blinked several times, like he was trying to hold back tears. "Where would I have gone? You're my only friend, and I couldn't exactly run away to across the country." The tears came freely now, Killua not trying to stop them. He lowered his ead to rest on Gon's shoulder.

"You could've told an adult. A teacher, a police officer, _somebody_." Gon gently placed his hand on the others back, rubbing small, soothing circles in an area where there was only a few small bruises.

"The foster care system is even worse. Kids get raped and murdered in orphanages and homeless shelters all the time."

"Who told you that?"

"Just about every show about law enforcement ever."

Silence. For all his remarks and answers, Gon didn't have one for that. "I'm so sorry." Was all he could say.

* * *

Soon, too soon, like all the kisses between him and Killua, Spring break was over. In an our Gon would be on a plane back to California, and Killua would be alone again. " I don't want you to leave. I'm afraid I'll forget the sound of your voice, and calling you is too expensive." Killua said sadly

"Does your computer have a webcam?" Gon asked in response.

Killua nodded. "Yeah..." He wasn't sure where this was going, but he was hoping that Gon had somehow come up with a solution.

"Then you can get Skype."

"Um, what? I'm not exacty in the loop, Gon. I don't know what Skype is."

"A video-chat website. It's free."

Killua grinned. "Problem solved then. But I still wish you didn't have to leave."

* * *

Gon stared out the window of the airplane, thinking of nothing of Killua. Yes, he'd missed Mito and wanted very much to see her again, but he would miss Killua so much. He thought of the kisses he and Killua had shared and smiled. Maybe they'd get to see each other in person again someday. But next time, Killua would have to come to California.

"What's the matter, Gon?" Mito's question was a well-justified one. Rather than eating it, Gon was simply stabbing at his food with his fork, and he hadn't said a word since he'd greeted Mito when he came home.

Gon merely shrugged and said, "Missing Killua." in a rather flat and monotone voice. Spearing a piece of meet, he put it in his mouth and chewed in a way that seemed almost angry.

Worried by the boy's actions, Mito tenderly asked, "Did something happen while you were in New York?"

Gon froze. Yes. Something did happen in New York. But how would Mito feel about it? He knew that she would be infuriated by what Killua's family was duing to him, just as Gon was. But how would she feel if Gon told her that he was in love with a boy? They'd never really discussed sexuality before. Not knowing what to do, Gon opted for a simple, "You could say that." When she inquired further, he said that he didn't want to talk about it, and she let the matter drop. Not, of course, without letting him know that he could talk to her about anything.

* * *

Skype calls with Killua were great. Really. They reminded Gon what Killua's voice sounded like. Of the cute flush that never failed to appear when Gon said something embarrassing. But they weren't enough. Gon always found himself reaching out whenever Killua looked away for a second, only for his fingers to come in contact with the cold screen. He always managed to yank away his hand in time before Killua looked back, thank god. The Skype calls were amazing, but they weren't enough. They never would be. Day after day he always came to that same realization. It really word down on Gon. Killua felt the same, although he didn't reach out for the screen as Gon did, to afraid that Gon would catch him in the act, or someone would barge in and see. He wanted to touch Gon's tan skin and here his voice for real, not just through the speakers of the computer. But the two boys didn't just want it. They needed it.


	9. Chapter 9

"I wish I could come to California." The sentence was broken and stuttered due to the long distance of they Skype call, but Gon got the message just fine. It was summer now, the two boys on vacation until the beginning of September.

"Why can't you?" Gon knew that Killua's parents were crap, but still.

"Well, maybe they would. I mean, the only reason they agreed to let you come come to my place is because they thought you could 'smack some sense into me'," Killua said, making air quotes when he repeated his fathers words. When Gon stared blankly, Killua elaborated. "They thought you were straight and that somehow your straightness would rub off on me."

"Oh... Guess it had to opposite affect of wat they were hoping for, huh?" Gon said, with a forced chuckle.

"Yeah, you could say that. I have to go. Dinner."

"Okay." They closed the chat and Gon logged off with a sigh. Pulling out his phone, Gon texted Killua.

_**Sent at 4:02 PM: I know it's unlikely, but ask.**_

_**Received at 4:03 PM: K.**_

Gon stared at the one-letter answer, murmuring to himself. "Every kiss begins with K." It was an old joke he had with himself, starting back when he'd first gotten his cellphone. And when he started actually had people to text. "I guess I better talk to Mito about it."

* * *

Two weeks later, it was Killua who was on the plane, hyped up and energetic. He'd be staying for a whole month! In five hours he'd be getting off, but by the time he got to California, it would technically only be one hour later. The thought in itself almost made him laugh. Time zones were ridiculous. He could be talking to got at 4 AM, but to Gon it would only be midnight. Although knowing Gon he probably wouldn't sleep until it was 7 AM for Killua. That boy was insane.

"Killua!" The first thing Gon did when he saw Killua was hug him. Again. Slightly prepared for it this time, Killua didn't flinch.

"Hey, Gon." Before Gon could go into ramble mode, like he obviously wanted too, Killua remarked, "It's really hot here."

"Really? It's actually kind of chilly." Killua stared at Gon as if the boy had suddenly sprouted seven heads.

"You've got to be kidding."

"Nope. C'mon! Get your luggage so we can head to my house!" Killua rolled his eyes at Gon's almost over-enthusiasm, but went with it.

It was two days later when the hurricane hit. Mito was out shopping when it happened, leaving the two boys alone in the house. The two bunkered-down in the hall, which had no windows. "I hope Mito-san is okay." Gon said, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I'm sure she'll be fine. She probably ended up taking shelter in the store or she ended up at a friend's house." Killua said reassuringly, rubbing soothing circles on Gon's back. Doing so ended up with Killua pulling Gon closer, until the Californian was practically sitting on his lap.

"Killua can I...?" Gon was get closer to Killua's face, giving the white-haired boy a good idea of what he wanted. Killua nodded. It was the first kiss they'd had in months, and so it was needy and full of want. They broke apart for the briefest of moments for air before kissing again. It seemed like both forever and no time at all, and they only stopped when they heard Mito clearing her throat above them. Evidently Mito had been almost home when the storm hit. Killua twisted around in his seat on the floor, finding it difficult because of how Gon was clinging to him in surprise.

"Oh," He said simply. Mito didn't look mad, just rather shocked. And wet, as she'd just been out in the storm.  
The boys didn't dare say a word, but when Mito if this was the first time this had happened, they both answered, "No."

* * *

Dinner was a silent affair that evening, the boys still feeling awkward about getting caught Even now, Mito still didn't seem mad about it. Could she really not mind?

As if reading the boys' thoughts, Mito spoke. "So, I just want you two to know that I'm in now way against you two being a couple. But, no hanky panky. At all. And especially not under my roof. Are we clear?" The two boys nodded. "Great. So, do Killua's parents know?"

Killua and Gon looked at each other? How would they tell her that Killua's parents were homophobic and physically abused him? Killua said no rather quickly. Mito asked why and Killua said, "Well, they're not exactly, um, supportive." Killua didn't make eye contact as he spoke, afraid it would somehow give away something.

"That's horrible!" Mito exclaimed, looking shocked.

Killua shrugged. "It is what it is."

A week passed quickly and without incident, and although Killua and Gon didn't realize, Mito often caught the two holding hands or kissing. She never said anything, and always left the room before they noticed her. It really was a shame that Killua's parents didn't approve of such things. When Mito thought about it, it made her blood boil in the same way that she acted when she thought about how Ging abandoned Gon. The way she saw it, if someone was going to have children, then they should be preoared to love that child unconditionally, or they shouldn't have children at all. She just hoped that Killua wasn't hiding something about how his parents treated him.

_A/N: Sorry guys, but I might be posting chapters less frequently. When I started this I had a very long break due to snow, but now I'm back at school. I'll still try to get a chapter up at least every two days though. Don't expect chapter on Tuesdays or Wednesday's though._


	10. Chapter 10

A week later, Killua lay on Gon's bed, bored, as the other boy showered. They'd spent the day outside, and Gon had fallen into a puddle of mud, getting quite dirty. The moment they got home, Mito had_ insisted_ that Gon got in the shower right that instant. Gon was sure taking his sweet time. It was starting to get annoying.

Just as Killua was thinking this, Gon came into the room. A towel hung low on his hips, water dripping from his hair. For once, it was down, instead of in that odd spiked-up style. The water that dripped from his hair rolled in beards down his skin. It was actually quite alluring.

Killua blushed, looking away from Gon. "Sorry, Killua. I forgot my clothes." Gon apologized.

"It's fine," Killua mumbled, swiftly getting up and leaving the room so Gon could get dressed in peace. He leaned on the wall outside the room, his heart thumping loudly. "Gon?" He shouted through the door.

"Yeah?" Gon said back, his voice slightly muffled.

"As long as I'm here, you're not doing your own hair." He said in almost stern manner.

"Um, why?" Even through the wall and the noise of Gon opening and closing drawers, he could hear the tone of confusion and curiosity in Gon's voice.

"Because it well- it's hot when it's down." Killua stammered out. He frowned when he heard Gon laugh. It wasn't very funny. At least, not in his opinion.

The door opened and Gon stepped out. He was fully clothed now, but his hair still dripped water. "Oh really? You think it's," Gon leaned closer, putting his hands on either side of Killua, effectively trapping him, "attractive?" His voice curled around the last word, almost purring. This would have been embarrassing enough, but just then Gon thought that it would be a good time to start pressing gentle kisses to Killua's neck and jawline.

"G-Gon." Killua whispered, shivers running down his spine. He recovered quickly, however, and immediately asked, "What about Mito?"

Gon stopped and, not without a sigh, solemnly agreed. "I guess you're right."

Killua nodded. He loved Gon, and although he loved to feel Gon's lips against his own, or feel Gon's tanned hands brush against his own pale skin, physical contact with anyone made his skin crawl. He always had the irrational fear that at any moment, no matter how tender their touch was, that they were going to hurt him in someway. He loved Gon's kisses and touches, but he didn't think that he'd be ready for something like that.

Gon moved from his caging position, only to wrap one of Killua's hands in both of his own. "I love you." He whispered in tremulous tone.

They'd never said I love you to each other before, so when Gon said it Killua froze for a moment, trying to process what had just been said to him. "I love you too." He finally managed to get out, his voice shaking every it as much as Gon's had been.

* * *

When Killua had said Gon wouldn't be doing his own hair from then on, he had meant it. He wouldn't let the boy so much as touch a hairbrush. Everyday, they ended up in the bathroom, Gon fresh out of the shower (although he always put pants on at the very least) and Killua drying Gon's hair with Mito's hairdryer.

Gon liked it. It felt nice to have Killua's hands running through his hair as it dried, and Killua never pulled his hair. It least, not on purpose. The first time he let Killua dry his hair the boy had accidently yanked on a knot.

"You're hair's really thick." Killua commented off-handedly.

"Really? Mito says that too." When Killua only gave an affirmative grunt, Gon continued. "Would you mind if I played with your hair? It looks really soft. You do have a lot of cat like tendencies, so I guess having soft hair would only add to them and..." Gon continued to ramble on, saying embarrassing things.

Killua didn't really mind when Gon said things like that. It was always nice to hear when Gon started to talk about how he felt or what he thought, but when Gon said things about him, it made his stomach flip and his face turn red. Sometimes his voice cracked when he got nervous or embarrassed, and while Gon found it adorable, Killua cursed this particular feature. It probably would be nice to have Gon play with his hair, though. Certainly it was something he would like. Although he wasn't sure it would be soft like Gon thought it would be. If it was, Killua had failed to notice

Killua soon lost himself in thoughts so that when Gon spoke, he hardly noticed. "Killua? Killua!"

"Hm? Oh, sorry Gon. What is it?" Killua turned of the hair dryer. Gon's hair was long dry by now, and the noise from it running made conversation rather difficult.

"I asked if you wanted to meet some of my friends" Gon said, turning around to look at Killua.

"Oh, uh, sure. What are there names?"

"Leorio and Kurapika. They're gonna have the shock of a lifetime when they realize I'm not the one straight friend." Gon said, chuckling.

"Oh?"

* * *

Indeed, both Kurapika and LEorio looked shocked when they learned of Killua's and Gon's relationship. Although, they couldn't really blamed because Gon and Killua had seen the two on the street while they were going to get something from the store, and Gon had promptly run up to them, dragging Killua with him and shouted, "Guys this is my boyfriend!"

Of course, now after all the confusion and the questions -most of them coming from Kurapika- they were finally down to the formal introductions. "Name's KIllua." The boy in question said casually. Despite his cool attitude, Killua actually felt more nervous than he knew was necessary. What Gon had said earlier had implied that his friends were not straight, so that meant they weren't homophobic. But regardless, what would ther think of he and Gon's relationship?


	11. Chapter 11

Now they were at Gon's house sitting at the dining room table. "I have to say I'm quite surprised, Gon. I always thought you were, well..." Kurapika began, trailing off. It was an odd subject, even for the blonde, who was ready to discuss most things with a knowledgeable air. (It came from reading so much books, although his reading habits annoyed Leorio to no end. "Stop reading those stupid books. We're on a date, for Christ's sake!")

"Straight?" Gon finished for him, adding a, "Yeah, me too." He somehow managed to say this very casually, despite the fact that it wasn't exactly a casual topic. In fact, Gon usually managed to make most not casual subjects sound as normal as if they were merely discussing the weather, It was a talent of his, really.

Leorio, meanwhile, was giving Killua a very animated lecture on treating Gon right. Don't be unkind, don't you dare hurt him, ect. The usual talk one expected from their lover's family or friends. To Killua, who'd never had a date in his life, didn't know this was usual. At least not from friends. To him, Leorio was almost as bad as an over-protective father. Or at least, what Killua had seen of other-protective fathers on television. Killua hardly listened to this lecture, however, thinking instead on the fact how odd it was that this lecture was coming from one of Gon's friends and not Mito. Perhaps Mito trusted him? Certainly more than Leorio appeared to, anyway.

Once the lecture was over however, Killua found himself having a very good time with Kurapika and Leorio. (He also discovered that the two were a couple, and was quite surprised considering how mouthy the two were towards each other. Especially Kurapika. "Don't mind him Killua, he really is quite stupid," Is not something someone generally says about one's signifigant other.)

At one point. Leorio had called Gon his and Kurapika's child, seemingly on accident, to which Kurapika had responded, "Our child? We're not married, Leorio."

"Dude, we're a little married." Leorio had said back. Both Killua and Gon had strained not to laugh, barely succeeding in their attempts. They did however, find it less funny when Kurapika shot a glare that could burn holes through walls in their direction.

When Leorio and Kurapika left Gon and Killua were alone, seeing as Mito was at work. "So... what do you want to do now?" Gon asked, with a slightly suggestive tone. Not noticing it, Killua merely shrugged, not really feeling up to doing much and not having any ideas himself.

As his more indirect approached had failed, Gon decided to take a diferent tactic and smirked, feeling particulary wicked. "You know Killua we could-"

Now recognizing the tone in Gon's voice, Killua flat-out said "No," before Gon could get any further in his statement.

"Why? Mito's not here and she won't be for a few hours, so it's like she'll catch us." Gon's voice lowered an octave, in an attempt to sound flirtatious. He reached across the small gap between his and Killua's chairs, resting his hand on the others thigh lightly. He had resolved not to give up in his attempts until Killua gave him a reason too.

"Because I don't want to." Killua said flatly, trying to ignore the hand on his thigh and his instincts to move away from it. He had to remind himself several times that it was only Gon, and that Gon wouldn't dream of hurting him.

"Oh, okay." That was more than reason enough for Gon. He promptly dropped the subject and went back speaking normally, taking his hand off the other boys thigh. A minute of silence passed before he added, "If something's bothering you, you can tell me. You know that, right?"

Killua nodded, but he didn't think he would want to tell Gon the truth as to why he had continually rejected the others advances. It would make Gon feel bad and make him think that Killua was afraid of him, and while it might be true that he was afraid, his fear wasn't of Gon. And the last thing he wanted to do was make it think that it was him who Killua was afraid of.

* * *

People sometimes find out about things the wrong way. Kind of like how Mito found out about Killua's family. Despite having beem away from them for three weeks now, Killua still had bruises and scars. And in all honesty, it wasn't a pretty sight. "Man, I should have looked at these the day you came here. They've been untouched for weeks now and they look horrible." Gon whished he could just magic away the bruises, wished he could make everything better with a sentence or two. But unfortunately, that wasn't how the world worked. All he could do was offer Killua time when his parents couldn't hit him, or times when they wouldn't. Sure, he could give Killua words of comfort, but that seemed small in comparison to what Killua had been through. That usually didn't stop him from trying to comfort Killua, but today he somehow wasn't able to find the words he needed for that task.

"The day before I left I smart-mouthed Milluki. He didn't like that much." Killua explained. Gon was correct in saying the wounds looked horrible, however. While one or two were gray and nearly healed, most were purple and yellow and a mix of other colors that were simply too horrid for anyone to have named them at all.

Neither boy noticed that Mito was standing in the doorway of Gon's bedroom. That is, until she spoke. "So, I guess you were hiding something from me." She didn't sound accusatory, just rather dissapointed. Gon yanked his hand away from the hem of Killua's shirt, which he was holding up, accidently touching one of Killua's bruises in the process. Killua flinched.

"I'm guessing the is what you meant when you said our parents weren't supportive?" Mito continued. Killua nodded. "Why didn't you tell me? And more importantly, Gon, why didn't you tell me once you knew?" Neither boy had an answer to the question, and both squirmed under her gaze, feeling uncomfortable.

"Well, one things for sure. Killua is _most certainly_ not going back to New York."


	12. Chapter 12

"It's not illegal if there's prove that they're abusive." Mito said, forever calm in the time of crisis, "and I think that there's more than enough proof."

* * *

Killua sucked in a breathe, staring at the clock. There. The deed was done. He'd officially just missed his plane home and in a few hours, he'd be getting a very angry call from his parents. If they even noticed. HE hoped that somehow they would fail to. Gon gently took Killua's hand. "It'll be fine. I promise." The raven-haired boy whispered. "I swear it."

"How can you be so sure?" Gon didn't answer. He gave Killua's hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

"I love you, Killua."

* * *

Killua felt the phone in his pocket vibrate and sucked in a breathe. This was it. He pulled out his phone and pressed the 'accept' button as he put it to his here. "Hello?" His voice cracked with nervousness. Damn him for showing weakness. This was going to be one hell of a phone call. And most certainly not a good one.

* * *

It had been worse than he'd thought. It had started with his mother on the phone, almost begging him to come back. If it was because she cared. she had a funny way of showing it. ("Come home! How could you do this after all we've done for you?") And then, his father on the phone, who gave him quite the verbal thrashing before Mito came in and took the phone for Killua, thank goodness, and proceeded to have an argument that Killua didn't bother to listen to. Instead, he sat on the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest and hanging his head between them. Gon sat down next to him and hugged him tenderly.

Despite his efforts not to listen, Killua caught one phrase. Mito's words before she hung up. "I guess you'll be seeing the police soon, then."

* * *

Social workers seemed to be the only people he talked to anymore. He was still staying with Mito and Gon, and yet there was no time for to spend with Gon. Or at least, it was a very small amount of time. They had, however, won, in a sense. Killua's parents had lost all custody of him and had been found guilty days ago at their trial, at which he'd obviously had to stand witness. Today was the last day he'd have to deal with all this legal stuff. Mito had agreed to take Killua in, it just needed to get all set with the department of social services that that was where he would be living until he was of age and capable of living on his own.

One very long, very boring meeting that consisted mostly of Mito filling out paper work and he'd most likely never have to see a social service worker ever again. But strangely, he didn't feel any better. He still felt like the cruel, cold gaze of his father was still watching him. He wondered: Would he ever feel normal? He supposed that only time would tell.

Killua lay on Gon's bed, next to the boy in question. "Some summer vacation, huh?" Gon asked, taking Killua's hand in his. In two days it would be time for school again.

"Mm." Killua grunted affirmatively, staring up at the blank ceiling.

"Mito-san get you registered?"

"Mhm." Killua let go of Gon's hand and rolled over onto his side, using his elbow to support himself.

"Nervous?" Gon rolled into a similar position, only so he was facing Killua, and then he started to laugh before Killua cpuld answer his question.

"What?" Killua furrowed his brow in confusion. "What is it?"

"We're in the 'paint me like one of your French girls' pose." Gon snickered.

Killua rolled his eyes, pushing himself into a sitting position and grabbing one of Gon's pillows. "You are _ridiculous_." Despite his seemingly annoyed attitude, he found himself laughing as well, and thwacked Gon in the head with the pillow.

"Hey! Not fair!" Gon declared as he righted himself and grabbed a pillow of his own.

Hitting his opponent in the side this time, Killua simply shrugged and said, "All's fair in love and war."

* * *

Killua gulped as he approached the school building. His new backpack hung off of one shoulder, swinging with his movement. "Come on, Killua!" Gon shouted, grabbing the other boys hand and pulling him along. People stared, but Killua hardly noticed, occupied with trying to keep up with Gon as he was.

It wasn't as bad as he'd originally thought. People hardly noticed him, and those who did he was already familiar with (i.e. Leorio and Kurapika) or were teachers. A few people stared at them in the halls, but no doubt they were simply curious as to what exactly that Freecs kid was yelling about this time. Evidently it was some sort of running gag that the majority of the students were in on. (Killua couldn't blame them, either. Gon was rather loud.)

Leorio and Kurapika were surprised when they saw Killua at school, but Gon quickly explained that the story was one for another time before they could ask too many questions. So all in all, while the chairs were mildly uncomfortable, (but then again, what school has chairs that aren't incomfortable?) and it would certainly take some getting used to, he liked going to the school. It certainly helped that Gon was in all his classes, and he had to wonder if Mito had somehow managed to pull some strings.

While having Gon in his classes helped to surpress his urge to get up in run, it certainly didn't surpress any other urges. ("No Killua! You can't punch him! You'll get in trouble on the first day!") And while by the end of the day he had been exhausted, it certainly hadn't been a disagreeable one.  
Mito wouldn't be home for a few hours and they had no homework, thank goodness for teacher's first day kindness, so they spent a rather long time playing video games. It was almost dark out by the time they stopped! But Mito still wasn't home so what were they- "Killua~"

"Gon, no." Killua said flatly, not looking at Gon for fear of the flirtatious face the other was undoubtedly making.

"How cooooome?" Gon asked, almost in a whine.

Gon was never going to give up unless he knew the real reason, was he? "W-well it's because..." He paused, trying to find the words without making Gon feel bad. "I'm...well... scared." For a second Gon looked afraid that Killua was scared of him, before Killua quickly explained. "Not of you! Never of you... It's just... I know you would never hurt me, at least not on purpose, but I can never shake this feeling that whoever's touching me is going to hurt me. Even now, I always feel like someone wants to hit me. I know, it's stupid but-"

"It's not stupid! I totally get it!" Gon interrupted.

"Really?" Killua had always assumed that his fear of people hitting him- no matter how much he trusted them- was completely irrational. But if others thought that it wasn't crazy, then surely it wasn't so?

_A/N: Almost over... and for those who are interested, my tumblr is cant-hold-back-my-fandoms so feel free to contact me there! (You could totally send me requests.) Also I'm sorry for all the time skips. It would be very awkward without them, trust me._


	13. Chapter 13

Killua did end up talking to more social workers, later in life. This time however, it was for a very good reason. In all honesty, Killua had to thank Gon for said reason, because it really wouldn't have happened if Gon hadn't proposed to him when they were in their mid-twenties. They'd just graduated from college, and Gon had asked Killua out to dinner as a celebrations of sorts. That was when Gon had popped the question. In front of the whole restaurant. Several people shot disapproving glares, but Killua didn't notice, shocked as he was. His heart hammered against his ribcage and he swore it felt like it had quadrupled in size.

Gon was normally tactless, but Killua would never forget what he had said that day. "Killua, I know this is sudden and since we just got out of college, we don't really have the money but..." This was when he got down on one knee, pulling out the ring, "Will you marry me?"  
For a moment, Killua was stunned into silence. Tears welled up in the corners of his eyes, "Yes!"

Now they were married, and Killua and Gon were filling out paper work to adopt a little girl, Alexis. She was seven, but she was so scrawny that she looked to be only five. She was covered in scrapes and cuts from running around outside all the time. When they first met her, she'd talked on and on for hours about her imaginary friend Susan. She was perfect.

She ended up calling Killua "Papa" and Gon "Daddy" as to avoid confusion between the two.

"Faster, horesy! Faster!" Alexis shouted, sitting astride Gon's back as he walked around on all fours, pretending to be a horse. Killua watched, a smile spreading across his face as Gon indeed went faster. It was one of the few days Killua and Gon both had time off work, and they often ended up like this. With Killua watching as Gon played with Alexis, often ending in Killua joining these playing sessions as well.

"Papa come play with us!" Alexis demanded, giving Gon no warning as she got off, while he was still moving.  
In response, Killua walked over and picked her up. "What do you want to play?" He asked, even as he dug his fingers into her skin, tickling her. She squirmed in his arms, laughing.

"Papa that tickles!"

"That's kind of the point, sweetheart," Killua pointed out, ceasing to tickle the child in his arms.

Life was sweet like this.

But still, Killua couldn't shake an inexplicable feeling of wrongness. It always felt like someone was watching him, waiting to strike. He flinched when Gon moved too fast. Hell, he flinched when _Alexis _moved too fast. Alexis had apparently noticed. "Papa, why do you make the ow-pose so much? And how come I've only ever met Daddy's family?" She asked one day after school. Gon was at work at the moment, so there was no way he was getting help in explaining this.

Killua hesitated. How did one explain to their seven year old daughter that his parents hated him for who he was? The solution hit him like a ton of bricks. Or, more accurately, his father's hand. "Well, you know how sometimes people at the zoo or park will look all mad when you call me and Daddy names for dads?" Alexis nodded, so he continued. "That's because some people think that two boys or two girls can't be in love with each other, so they get mad at them."

"But that's stupid!" Alexis argued, putting her hands on her hips. She'd seen it on television and now she just wouldn't stop with it.

"You're right. It is very stupid. But my parents were one of those people, and they were mad that I liked boys. So, whenever they got mad at me, or sometimes for no reason at all, they hit me." He hoped he wasn't being to out-right with her. She was only a child, after all.

Alexis gasped. "Your mommy and daddy hit you? So you make the ow-pose because you think other people are gonna hit you?" Killua nodded. She was getting the concept surprisingly well.

"But now I live here in California with you and Daddy, and they live in New York, so they can't hurt me anymore." He explained, trying to calm some of the shock he saw written across her face.

* * *

"Daddy, Daddy!" Alexis screamed as Gon walked in the door after a long day of work.

"There's my girl." Gon greeted her and ruffled her hair when he reached her. It was quiet in the house, aside from the sounds of Killua making dinner in the kitchen, which was strange. Killua wasn't all that good at cooking, so he usually just put some frozen pizza in the oven on nights where he had to cook dinner.

"Daddy, today Papa told me why he does the ow-pose so much. He's very brave, isn't he?" It was true. Killua had come very far from when he and Gon's relationship had started. He flinched less often, although he still did quite a lot, and he was much more lenient with his need for personal space. He no longer nearly went into a panick attack just from a stranger rushing past him in the street. Yes, Killua was very brave.

"He is, isn't he?"

* * *

"So, you told Alexis?" Gon's tone isn't accusatory, but nevertheless, Killua hears it that way.

Killua's answer comes out fearful, believing that Gon's angry. "S-sorry. Just, she asked why I flinched so much and since she's our daughter I figured she had the right to now and..." He stops, his last few words coming out in a small squeak.

"Hey, I'm not mad." Gon says reassuringly, giving Killua a hug and a light squeeze to go with it. "You have every right to talk about your personal experiences and she has every right to know about them if you choose to share them with her. Besides, it's not like the whole world will collapse because you told our daughter the reason why you flinch."

They never said directly that Killua was abused. It was always, "the reason why you flinch" or, "what your family did to you". Although Killua usually preferred the latter, as it helped him to realize _this is not your fault_ but the former was more appropriate in this situation.

"Are you all right?" Gon asked, hushed. At times Killua still freaked out when he perceived people as mad, as he had just now. Killua nodded, although he still looked a tad distressed. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

* * *

Killua had nightmares fairly often. They had a pattern of showing up on nights where he had or nearly had a panic attack. Tonight was one of those nights.

Gon held Killua's sleeping form as the white-haired man in question shook and cried out in his sleep. "Sh... It's okay. I've got you. It'll be alright." It took a few minutes of Gon saying things like this and holding Killua for him to calm down. Evidently, it also woke him up.

Killua sniffled, "Gon?" When Gon confirmed that it was him holding Killua, he loosened up. Became less tense.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Gon was always ready to talk about it, and he never failed to listen quietly and carefully to whatever Killua had to say.

"Not tonight, thank you, though. I love you."

"I love you too."

They went back to sleep, and instead of dreaming of endless beatings and cruel family members standing above him, Killua dreamed of Gon holding him as he was now, with Alexis by their side, happily telling whatever stories her seven year old imagination came up with.

_A/N: That's it you guys! But don't worry, there will be plenty more fanfiction to come. (Killugon and others.) I also might write a piece that takes place in the same Au as this, but with Leorio and Kurapika. What do you guys think?_


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